Sucks being me
I made a real ass of myself tonight. Like Grade A Jackass from east Texas, on sale. So bad I'm not mad at myself because I'm too much in shock. Am I becoming someone I don't like?
So I hung with my great friend Jon and his buddy G, who is a great guy and one of the most sexually-charged bisexuals I've ever hung around with. G can no more stop himself from turning every other word out of your mouth into a sexually statement than he could stop breathing air. When G got drunk, he got pushy and feely, and he was extremely aggressive. Trying to be as cool as possible without clocking the guy, he pushed my to a wall in an attempt to kiss me and whispered sharply in my ear "This is what those girls you hit on feel like."
Except I don't do that, ever. Never in my life have I treated a woman like that. But I was losing the "cool guy" battle because I wasn't being "relaxed with my sexuality", my efforts to set boundries where ridiculed as homophobic. And I've been really weird about people touching me since my mother died and Rachel left. But to a guy like G, he doesn't respect those boundries or even a sexuality different than his.
But I knew G was a guy like that when I first met him, so I went on the offensive. I made fun of his sexuality while flirting with him a bit to let him know I was joking. He talked to me with a deep heavy voice, making fun of my straightness, so I shot back with a lisp. Lost that battle instantly. But G was encouraged by the flirting, kept coming at me. I was being a jackass for being homophibic, then I was being a jackass for being friendly, then I was a jackass for being a flirt.
So I turned the screw, turned it hard. I can be pretty vicious when I see an opening. We went to a gay black club, pretty cool crowd, actually. G came at me hard again, and at Jon also. So I started saying the most sexist things to him, messing with his mind, flirting with him then shooting him down to nothing. But G isn't stupid, he came at me with a vengeance, calling me homophobic and even racist (in a black club, no less). Now that I've layed it out for myself I dont' feel so bad, but I definitely looked like an ass tonight. I'll never forget the bartender who thought I was cute until I said too much. Damn, I seem to be on a roll like this. I don't know why I haven't been fired yet.
So I hung with my great friend Jon and his buddy G, who is a great guy and one of the most sexually-charged bisexuals I've ever hung around with. G can no more stop himself from turning every other word out of your mouth into a sexually statement than he could stop breathing air. When G got drunk, he got pushy and feely, and he was extremely aggressive. Trying to be as cool as possible without clocking the guy, he pushed my to a wall in an attempt to kiss me and whispered sharply in my ear "This is what those girls you hit on feel like."
Except I don't do that, ever. Never in my life have I treated a woman like that. But I was losing the "cool guy" battle because I wasn't being "relaxed with my sexuality", my efforts to set boundries where ridiculed as homophobic. And I've been really weird about people touching me since my mother died and Rachel left. But to a guy like G, he doesn't respect those boundries or even a sexuality different than his.
But I knew G was a guy like that when I first met him, so I went on the offensive. I made fun of his sexuality while flirting with him a bit to let him know I was joking. He talked to me with a deep heavy voice, making fun of my straightness, so I shot back with a lisp. Lost that battle instantly. But G was encouraged by the flirting, kept coming at me. I was being a jackass for being homophibic, then I was being a jackass for being friendly, then I was a jackass for being a flirt.
So I turned the screw, turned it hard. I can be pretty vicious when I see an opening. We went to a gay black club, pretty cool crowd, actually. G came at me hard again, and at Jon also. So I started saying the most sexist things to him, messing with his mind, flirting with him then shooting him down to nothing. But G isn't stupid, he came at me with a vengeance, calling me homophobic and even racist (in a black club, no less). Now that I've layed it out for myself I dont' feel so bad, but I definitely looked like an ass tonight. I'll never forget the bartender who thought I was cute until I said too much. Damn, I seem to be on a roll like this. I don't know why I haven't been fired yet.
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